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Love
Race
Sex

I studied Sinology for a year, and met a great deal of Chinese people. Whenever the topic came up, most of them - particularly the women - insisted that they would only ever date Chinese men, and were particularly vocal about not dating blacks or Japanese men. On the other hand, I met a Korean woman who had moved to Germany (where I lived at the time), and who said she had come looking for a husband, because she believed "Korean men are no good". Interracial relationships are becoming more and more common, and with them come stereotypes: there is one stereotype that would have us believe that all women love black men, and another that all men love East Asian women. For many people (though not as many as the stereotypes would have us believe), these racial preferences in dating and sexual attraction are real, not just media tropes. There really are women who only date black men, and men who only date East Asian woman (as well as the reverse, and all other possible combinations). The relationship of...

Some of the stereotypes that drive such preferences could, of course, be racist. But it is also true that the factors that attract us to others erotically are not generally matters of simple choice, and the mere presence of a preference "type" does not seem to me to be clear evidence of racism. Some of us prefer tall partners--is this "shortism" because we tend not to prefer short partners? I think of racism as consisting in beliefs or practices that would deny equal moral, political, or economic rights to members of the targeted race. I don't think anyone has any kind of a right to have me attracted to them as a potential romantic or sex partner, so I can't really see how my preferences in these areas can have the consequences of denying anyone equal rights. Having said this, I also think that many cultures do lend some support to sexism or to regarding women as second-class citizens. I wouldn't blame a woman from such a culture for having a preference against men of that...
Ethics
Love
Sex

Many people criticize the concept of an "open relationship", that is, a relationship in which both partners are allowed to have sexual relations with people other than the primary partner. There are also other forms of so-called "polyamory", for example a three-way relationship which excludes sexual relations with anybody besides the other two partners. While in some cases such relationships may only benefit one party, may involve coercion or neglect, or sacrificing for one's partner, there are some such relationships in which both or all partners find themselves more fulfilled and happy than they otherwise would. Yet these "good" polyamorous relationships are the subject of the same moral aversion and disdain as the abusive, coercive ones. What kind of moral argument could lie behind the idea that such relationships are wrong - surely not a morality based on happiness. Is some kind of deontological sexual ethic at the root of the criticism of open relationships and polyamory? What does this ethic...

I will leave it to others to supply whatever they may think is a good reason for supposing that there is some kind of rule written in Heaven (about which, more in a moment!) as to why "one size fits all" in terms of fulfilling sexual relationships. As you quite rightly point out, it is one thing not to abjure any kind of relationship that amounts to abuse or coersion, and quite another to lump in with these any sort of relationship that deviates from the social norm of a single partner. Nor can it even be said that single-partner relationships are a norm that is or has been always realized in human societies, even if it is endorsed in most (but not all) cultures. Were that the case, prostitution would not be, as the saying goes, the world's oldest profession, and polygamy would be unknown. I rather suspect that the historical basis for the very restrictive ideal to which you refer goes back to a time when women were regarded as men's property, which is why in so many cultures the sexual...
Sex
Value

Doesn't the fact that prostitution is illegal imply that pleasure is not a considered a legitimate and significant moral good? Prostitutes are said to be people who provide nothing of value to society. Nothing of value? Really? Perhaps this is because our society has a deontological system of values? In a utilitarian standpoint wouldn't it not only be moral to make prostitution legal wouldn't it in fact be extremely immoral to make it illegal since sex is extremely pleasurable and in a utilitarian calculus more pleasure equals more good?

I think the historical fact of the matter is that prostitution is illegal (where it is illegal, which is not everywhere--there are lots of places where it is quite legal, including a few places in the US) is because from a religious point of view prostitution involved adultery, and adultery is regarded as a sin. We have lots and lots of laws with the idea of sin as their basis of origin, some of which even non-religious people would accept (e.g. laws against murder), and some of which non-religious people are increasingly opposed to, because their sole moral basis is in religious doctrine of some sort (e.g. laws against various kinds of sex acts between consenting adults). In some cases, people have found some secular reasons to give support for keeping laws that had the concept of sin as their historical basis (for example, what are called "blue laws," against the sale of alcoholic beverages on Sundays). So the question really is whether there are good non-religious reasons for keeping prostitution...
Philosophers
Sex

How would Kant resolve the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy?

Kant emphasized what he called the "categorical imperative," for which he gave two formulations. The formulation that seems most plainly to apply here is that we should be able to universalize into a maxim whatever decision we make in individual moral decisions. In this case, the question is whether we would be willing to universalize into a maxim that the policy of the military sshould be "don't ask, don't tell" for anyone of any gender and any sexuality. But it seems that we do not have such a policy for heterosexuals, and as far as I can tell, no one would think that such a policy would sensibly apply to heterosexuals. So it sseems we cannot universalize this policy, in which case the policy looks, on Kantian grounds, to be prejudicial.
Sex

Being a transvestite all my life I have wrestled with the reasons why I have this need and, essentially, compulsion. Some seem to argue that transvestism has a organic origin while others say it is developmental in some way. I would appreciate constructive views on this.

I tend to doubt that the correct answer to your question will come from philosophy, as opposed to psychology or neuroscience. But I would pose back to you a philosophical question: Why would it matter to you whether it is organic or developmental? Either way, you are what you are, and I see no reason to think that there is any fault here no matter what the process was that led to your being the way you are. Maybe I have misunderstood what lies behind your question, and if so I apologize. But it sounds to me like you feel you need an excuse or explanation to "explain away" your difference. If so, I disagree. Just be who you are and be prudent about foolish and prejudiced people who might respond to you in ways you would rather avoid.
Ethics
Love
Sex

Does involving the word 'love' alongside sex in a relationship make it worse to cheat than if it involves just 'sex' alone? I recently discovered my husband had a 7-month affair while working away during the week and he claims it is forgivable because he did not love her and it was 'merely sex'.

I think the problem with cheating is the cheating part. You and your husband made an agreement, presumably in good faith, that you would not do the very thing he did. I doubt if at the time he stipulated that he might have "merely sex," but would abstain from sex + love. So...he violated your agreement, and this gives you a reason to regard him as in the wrong. Period. As to whether his violation is forgivable, I suppose it is. But that is entirely up to you--not up to him. He doesn't get to tell you that he deserves forgiveness--that adds presumption as an additional violation to the one he already committed. So the issue of forgiveness is yours to decide. He may ask for it; he may beg for it. But it is your decision entirely. I can see how loving the other woman might have added to the offense (though I don't see how the addition would convert a "forgivable" offense into one that is unforgivable--because even had he loved her, you might reasonably determine that it was...
Logic
Sex

Can two people be correct if one says, "Two members of the same sex should not have the right to get married," and the other says, "Two members of the same sex should have the right to get married"?

I think the only way both people could be right is if they don't mean the same thing by "married." Here is a case that might go like that. Suppose the first person is thinking of marriage as a holy sacrament in their religious sect. According to that sect, same-sex marriage is an abomination. Because of that sect's point of view, then, someone might think that there should be no right of same-sex marriage within that sect . Now, even if that is a strongly held belief of that religious sect, it is quite another thing to try to enforce one religious sect's view of things as a matter of law for the rest of the nation (or world). So someone else might think of marriage as a legal contract between two people, one that protects certain civil rights they can enjoy as a result (such as the right to adopt a child as a married couple, for example). It might be that same-sex marriage is an abomination according to some religious groups, but also should be legally permitted as a civil right.
Children
Ethics
Sex

I have a daughter that is 14 years young. As a mother I understand that teenagers in her age grow up and they want to have fun, most of them with the guys. But still I can't let her go out. I think it's wrong. But my question is, Is that really wrong? Because I remember myself in her age... I also see the friends around her, they don't go out... well she's the only one. But she suffers because of me not letting her to have a boy-friend. Do you think I should let her? Because I'm really confused...

As a parent myself, my first reaction to your question is to say that it sems to me confusion about what is best for one's children is more the norm than the exception. Hardly a day goes by in my own case in which I feel profound uncertainty about how I should handle the wonderful and terrible project of parenting! So take whatever I say now with a boulder of salt, because, as you see, I regard myself as deeply in the dark about such things, at least as much as you feel you are. It does seems to me, however, that there will prove to be increasing limits on the degree of control you will have over this issue, and so you should right now be thinking of something like an "exit strategy," by which I mean that you should be considering what you want your daughter to be able to think and do for herself (and without any interference from you) in regard to her relationships with boys in the coming few years. Then, think of ways you can help her to achieve the sort of prudent and deliberative...
Ethics
Love
Sex

If, within a marriage, one partner denies the other sex, can they morally still demand that the other refrain? Note: assuming the standard Western marriage, with the assumption of exclusive monogamy. In other terms: Can we demand of our partners, in a marriage, "You can only have sex with me, and none other, and I'm not going to have sex with you".

Nothing is easy in this subject! I think most people find the promises inherent to monogamy to be moral ones--though some philosophers have questioned whether promising to another exclusive access to one's own body is one that actually can be morally made. The tricky part lies in finding (and then explaining the morality of) the correct position between extremes that do not look correct to most people. At one extreme, most of us do not think that even an uncoerced agreement to become another's personal possession (as a slave, for example) is acceptable. At the other extreme, we do think that refusing to agree to take part in a sexually exclusive relationship with another--monogamy, in other words--on the grounds that no one has a right to expect such exclusivity from us, is also inappropriate. So the general question goes something like this: How much limitation of personal autonomy are we morally prepared to sanction by the agent's own willing forfeit of that autonomy to another's exclusive...
Ethics
Sex

In Western culture, polygamy is generally considered immoral. Is there sufficient justification for this classification? Can it honestly be said that polygamy is wrong? I don't only mean one man/many wives but all the various possible arrangements of multiple partners, for instance one woman/multiple husbands, multiple husbands/multiple wives, etc.... There are some economic advantages to multiple adult partners living together. Take for example a situation where a man has two wives. The man works and so does one of the women. You now have a dual income household. The second woman does not work, but instead stays home and cares for any children and housekeeping duties. What would normally fall on one woman (working, housekeeping and child-rearing) is divided between two. It is assumed that all parties are consenting adults who consider themselves equal to one another. This has the added advantage of reducing the child day care costs so often frustrating for households with just two parents who...

I am inclined to think the original ground for anathematizing polygamy may be found in religions that oppose it for doctrinal reasons. I would be willing to wager that these same reasons continue to be the main source of such opposition. But it is not the only reason to be wary of polygamy. As a matter of fact, as it has actually been practiced (and is practiced in parts of the world where it is legal), it is almost always configured in ways intended to advantage men--at the expense of women. (A very dramatic example of this, involving a fundamentalist wing of the Latter Day Saints [Mormons] in Utah is not much in the news, for example.) As you say, there can be prudential advantages to being far more open about marital arrangements. But there can also be significant prudential disadvantages, as well: The more people intimately involved in a single household, the more potentials for serious conflict are added. Unless one lives in a society in which the relevant sorts of arrangements...

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