Ethics

Is it disrespectful to try and tell somebody that you know their thoughts and motivations better than they do? For example, to tell an engineer that the real reason they are passionate about engineerng is because they are unable to connect with human beings?

Comments

Good question! I suggest this very much depends on the relationship, the circumstances, and motives. I don't think there would be any disrespect if the engineer had told you in the past that he knows your thoughts and motivations better than you, and when he told you that (for example) deep down you still wanted to be an art historian even though you left the field to make more money in a computer firm, you made a life-changing, satisfying decision to return to art history. In that case, you might well be trying to help him, just as he helped you. But even without this past, I think that an intimate friend (though if the person is unable to connect with others, the notion of an intimate friendship might be a stretch) may avoid being disrespectful if in the course of telling the engineer this, you add something like "And I want to help you connect with others. Let's spend some evenings after work with Michelle and Osama. They have been concerned with your over-working this year and want to make some we spend some 'quality time' together."

But those cases to one side, many would (I think naturally) see the claim (especially if not invited by the engineer) about greater knowledge and the identification of the "real reason" as presumptuous and hurtful. After all, the real reason concerns a deficiency rather than some virtue. Special circumstances can remedy this, but they would need filling in as I suggested above and I offer one more case when presumption and hurt would not be in play:

Ringo came home, utterly exhausted from work on the new bridge. Ringo: "I feel utterly lost and don't feel that I know myself at all. I was recognized as the best engineer on site. People celebrated my work, but I felt disconnected from my work and the other workers. You know me better than anyone. What's going on? Did I go into engineering because I'm unable to connect with others?" Chris: "Darling, I do know you better than anyone even better than you know yourself, and I do think you are unable to connect with human beings. Let's change that, starting tonight."

Read another response by Charles Taliaferro

Read another response about Ethics