Ethics

Generally student-teacher romances are frowned upon, but what about this? The facts: He (male) is 56. I am 59. I'm not in a degree program, as I already have a BA and an MA, too-- taking classes in music for fun and personal enrichment. We're both single. I'm widowed and he is recently divorced. There is definitely chemistry and a terrific vibe between us. Lots of "Oh yes, THAT'S my favorite book/food/movie, too!" He has same number of pets as me. He has shared favorite poems with me even. He is THE best teacher in his particular field, and I will want to take at least three more courses with him. (One each semester, as I work also.) Does anyone see any ethical obstacles to our dating before I finish taking all of these classes?

Comments

Pudner explains the rationale for the general rule, but it seems to me the questioner mentions several factors that are morally relevant, which the general rule handles rather poorly in the case given.

It is not at all obvious to me that in this case, the student needs the teacher more than the teacher needs the student, because the student makes clear that she is not in a degree program and is taking the course only "for fun and personal enrichment." Of course, the other students in the class may need complete impartiality and fairness from the teacher, for the reasons given, but it is not obvious to me why the teacher cannot provide all these to the other students in the class. At any rate, it is unclear to what degree they are actually competing with this particular student and could suffer from the professor becoming biased.

Given the particular individuals in question, requiring that they either wait until she complete the three more courses she intends to take, or else force her to abandon these plans, seems to me a bit heavy. I agree wholeheartedly with Pudner's claim about what "simple prudence" generally indicates. But for these two, I am inclined to think that, even if prudence should still rule the day (of course!), it may allow a different approach than it would in most other cases. So, for what it is worth I would advise the two of them to have a frank conversation about her plans, his and her intentions, and how the two of them will collaborate in protecting any and all who need protection (such as the other students in the class) from what should be a private matter. Both are mature adults. if they show the judgment that most of us think is suitable for that status, I am inclined to think they should go for it! Love is too important, too wonderful, to subject it too inflexibly to rules created with very different sorts of cases in mind.

I would, however, caution these two to find out the actual "letter of the law" where the music teacher works. The inflexibility of rules--and the enthusiasm some will bring to enforcing them no matter what the actual contours of the case--is something that could turn this wonderful situation into a tragic disaster for both parties. Here especially is where the "simple prudence" needs to take a careful look at possible consequences. Be careful!

The general proscription against teacher-student romance is based first on the power differential in their respective roles. Even if both parties claim that the relationship is one of mutual consent, the presumption is that the teacher may direct it to his/her own advantage, because the student needs the teacher more than vice versa. That you're both not only adults, but more mature adults, ameliorates this presumption somewhat, as does the fact that you already have an advanced degree. Still, it is a factor.

A second basis for the proscription is the potential for the teacher's partiality toward his/her romantic partner, which would be unjust to the other students. Even if there is no actual favoritism, the perception could damage the ethical environment of the classroom.

I think most professors would agree that it's a matter of simple prudence to avoid becoming romantically involved with a current student. Afterwards, of course, is fair game, and many successful romances had just this beginning.

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