Let's say I have a machine with a button and a light bulb where the bulb lights up if and only if I press the button. I don't know anything about it's inner workings (gears, computers, God), I only know the "if and only if" connection between button and light. Can I say that by pressing the button I cause the bulb to light up? (I would say yes).
It seems to me that for the causal connection it doesn't matter that I don't know the exact inner workings, or that I don't desire the effect (maybe I press the button just because I enjoy pressing it, or because there is strong social pressure to press it, ...), and that I consider it very unfortunate that the bulb lights up wasting electric energy.
Let's now change the terms: instead of "pressing the button" we insert "having a kid" and instead of "the bulb lights up" we have "the kid dies" (maybe when adult). I think the "if and only if" relationship still holds, and so does the causal connection.
It would seem to me that parents are causally connected to the death of their kids (e.g. creating a person also causes the death of such a person), and that it doesn't matter that they don't want their kids to die, or that they don't understand exactly how a human being is created or dies, etc... it also doesn't matter if the kid will live till his 90s, or commit suicide as a teenager, or be poisoned. Those are the irrelevant "inner workings", the only certain thing is that he will surely die, one way or another.
Any particular holes in this line of reasoning?