Am I morally wrong if I can understand why my son took his own life? Am I wrong to see that his decision was a positive one, given the circumstances?
Of course I am distraught, heartbroken and miss him terribly but the guilt I feel for understanding his reasons for ending his life seem to come from expectations of society.
The acceptable moral viewpoints that society seems to have over suicide leave caring family members looking like we don't give a damn, when in fact the absolute opposite is true....the question in my head remains though...am I really morally wrong in understanding his reasons and believing he did the right thing for himself?
To give some background:-
My son was an extremely intelligent, gentle and kind young man, who had battled with schizophrenia for 7 years from the age of only 18. His hopes and dreams in life had to be abandoned through the terrible experiences of hallucinations and panic attacks.
Despite the daily routine of taking drugs that left him with slurred speech and apathy, he tried his best to make something of his life and gave up his masters in pure mathematics to work as a volunteer in a charity shop. Even doing that part time job, for him was a struggle.
In the end he rarely could face leaving his flat. He was fully aware of the toxity of the drugs used to control schizophrenia and knew that his life would probably end in his early 50's with cancer of the liver.
I think he had weighed up the life he had in a rational way and decided that he did not want to pretend to himself any longer that living was going to improve for him.
His decision was terribly brave and probably the hardest thing anyone could possibly have to try and do.
I would be interested in your arguments for and against society and its belief's on this subject and how this equates to my own personal view of understanding and acceptance of suicide under these circumstances.
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