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Love

I have been romantically seeing a man for more than five years. We have known each other for a long time and I know he is an extraordinary man who will be there for me through anything, no matter what. However, I feel that his future is not nearly as bright as mine. The only reason he decided to study hard to get into a good college was because I urged him to. However, I admire him for his social skills and his ability to judge situations accurately and quickly (which means good social skills.) On the other hand, after going on a break with this man due to the long distance, I have met another man who I have been seeing for a while. This second man is not nearly as great a person as the first. His family is well-off, but this has led him to be somewhat spoiled and I find that I do not respect or admire him as I do the first. However, he is with me physically where I study and he had provided me with comfort and company when I needed/wanted it. Furthermore, he seems a bit more intellectual than the first...

For these questions, you would probably be better off asking an older person whose wisdom you respect, than someone with a philosophy degree. However, since they are questions I also have wondered about, I will attempt an answer. The beginnings of love happen when you find that you are not just concerned with what the other person can do for you, but find yourself concerned with their good. When love grows, you find that your concern for their good is equal to and inseparable from your concern for your own. This stretching beyond concern with your own good is one of the main things valuable about marriage. It will more likely happen with someone you admire and who has strengths that complement your weaknesses. Intellectual and social similarities do not seem to me to be as important, even though dissimilarities can be a source of tension sometimes. Which of these men do you feel this loving way about and feels this way about you? One way to tell is to observe if you are kind to each other and willing to...