I am a seventeen-year old guy, and recently I've been having some philosophical questions that are really getting me down. There is objectively no answer to them, but I want to feel that I am not alone in asking these questions, or if anyone else has thoughts like these. (This is going to be long so brace yourselves!)
Basically, at this stage in my life it feels that anything I do is completely pointless. Not in a suicidal or depressed way, but it just IS pointless - even if I blew up the world and everything on it, so what, that would just be the transfer of energy and breaking apart of atoms.
It feels like everything we do in life is for the sole aim of keeping us alive. For example, if I cut my hand off, it wouldn't ACTUALLY hurt (as atoms don't have feelings), but it would just send a message to my brain that I have been wounded in some way, and my brain will make me feel a certain level of pain depending on how severe the injury is, because it could possibly be hindering my survival, and that is all the brain wants. Similarly, we spend our whole lives in the pursuit of happiness, yet happiness is just a pleasing chemical in the brain - so we're basically spending our whole lives chasing a chemical which is pleasing to us. Therefore, morals are based solely on humans trying to please their own brains.
Why do morals even exist? For example, if I could drop a bomb on an innocent baby or a table (an extreme example, but hear me out), everyone would say drop it on the table, because the baby can feel pain/it would be painful for all its relatives etc. But why drop it on the table and not the baby? All it would be is a transfer of energy and movement of atoms, and the pain that family members would experience would just be a discomfort of their brains, telling them that the survival of the species is at risk, and so they should be sad. (Thus it seems to me that the only reason we're upset when a human dies is because we worry that our genes will not be passed on to expand the human race).
It feels like I am a complete slave to my brain (which is ridiculous to type, as I AM my brain, and it's my brain typing this), and that everything I do is to please my brain, yet I will eventually die, and so I will just be surviving for the sake of surviving. There could exist someone who is cruel, murderous and sadistic but it really wouldn't matter because we're all just trying to survive, and when we die, all we are losing is the life that we lived for the sole purpose of being alive. It is hard to put into words exactly what I'm feeling, but I guess it's just a complete void of any point to life.
It amazes me that some people can spend their whole lives without asking these questions (and I'm not trying to sound elitist, as by no means am I a philosopher or even an abnormally intelligent person). We are born into a formula, and a society where we just know that we need to work hard and get a job, or find love etc - but why do we just follow this routine without questioning the whole point?
Whenever I ask questions like these, I become very depressed about life, and perhaps that shows that my brain does not want me to ask such questions - does that validate my point that there is no real reason for life?
I should further note that I am not in any way anything other than a regular human being - of course, I would not hesitate to destroy a table as opposed to a baby, and I am a naturally empathetic person. These thoughts that I express are not that of 'It is better to not care how anyone else feels', but rather 'WHY do I care about how everyone else feels?'
Apologies for the very long question/questions - I just want to be reassured that others ask such questions and may have experienced similar feelings to me. I should also note that I consider myself an atheist, though I am open to spirituality, but do not currently engage in it.