Topics Mind

Question Can one tolerate something, someone, etc. indefinitely or is there a limit? If there is a limit is there any way of re-igniting tolerance? For instance, if a person in an unhappy marriage, tolerates the situation for a long time (e.g., for the sake of the children) but eventually is unable to put up with the situation - no danger, violence, etc. - just dislike, contempt, etc., for the spouse - is there any way of re-igniting tolerance?

Accepted:
December 22, 2008

Comments

The answer to each of your questions, I fear, is "it depends." It depends on the situation, the person, the problem... Some people can tolerate difficult situations better than others, though it's rather unlikely that anyone has unlimited tolerance.

As for reigniting tolerance, I don't know whether there's a recipe, but sometimes trying to develop an empathetic understanding of the other person can help.

Some forms of Buddhist practice are relevant to your question. I have in mind particularly so-called "metta" or "loving-kindness" practice. And on larger issues related to your question, I'm rather fond of a book called Radical Acceptance by the American Buddhist teacher Tara Brach. I'd stress, by the way, that even though the book is rooted in Buddhism, it doesn't call for taking on any religious beliefs.