Value

Why is it that people talk such awful things about each other, but still seem worried about what others think? Why is this self-image we are trying to uphold so important to us?

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I'm afraid that I don't know the answer, and whatever credentials I have as a philosopher won't help much. It's a question about human psychology/behavior and really good answers will have to come from the social and biological sciences. Philosophers might offer plausible speculations, but those speculations might be wrong.

That said, you've certainly put your finger on something real. In fact, psychologists have a name for at least a part of it: the Fundamental Attribution Error. It amounts to this: when we see other people acting badly or foolishly or inappropriately, we tend to put it down to character traits. But when it comes to our own bad or foolish or inappropriate behavior, we tend to excuse it as the result of some passing circumstances. Put another way: my mistakes are simply a result of a passing state; yours are products of some unfortunate but more-or-less permanent trait. We make excuses for ourselves even in cases where we aren't inclined to do so for others.

Why are we like this? Is it something hard-wired? Does it differ from culture to culture? Good questions. But alas, not questions that philosophers qua philosophers are in a position to answer

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