Topics Ethics

Question I think of forgiveness as a central principle around which I base my behavior. Lately I have been feeling as though many people close to me take advantage of my generous forgiveness by intentionally doing things that hurt me (not physically) and then offering superficial apologies, knowing that I will forgive them. Is there an ethical justification for forgiveness? If so, does it offer any insight onto the practical application of when and how to forgive and where to set limits?

Accepted:
November 12, 2011

Comments

Great question! There is actually a significant literature out now on the philosophy of forgiveness and some significant controversy over whether and when forgiveness should or should not be given. One of the most prominent philosophers to contribute to the philosophy of forgiveness is Jeffrie Murphy and he definitely thinks that one should not forgive very easily. He thinks that someone who almost always forgives wrongs may lack self-respect or may even have self-hatered or self-deception. Richard Swinburne agrees and he argues that one should not forgive another person unless the person has confessed and repented. I think that is too extreme. Someone may harm us and then die, making confession and reform impossible and yet (it seems to me) one can still forgive the wrong-doer. Still, Swinburne has a point in that if the person does not confess or even ask for forgiveness there is little chance there could be a full restoration of a relationship. So, in your case, I suggest you might consider at least not forgiving right away. Take your time. Forgiveness can (I suggest) be a process. The classical definition of forgiveness is:

When someone forgives a person, the one forgiving foreswears or endeavors to moderate resentment toward the wrong-doer.

For a recent defense of a version of this, check out Charles Griswold's excellent book Forgiveness; A Philosophical Exploration (2007). I personally do not think this definition is the best and prefer something like:

When someone forgives a person, the one forgiving ceases blaming the one who did the wrong.

The reason why I am not keen about the first, classic definition is that 'resentment' seems a defective emotion --Goethe defined 'resentment' as 'impotent hate.' Whichever you choose, many (but not all) philosophers think of forgiveness as something that is freely given or not obligatory except in unusual circumstances. If you harmed me, and I forgave you, I might rightly be surprised if I did a similar harm to you and yet you did not forgive me. But perhaps even in that case, forgiveness is something like a gift. And maybe that is why it is so valuable and plays such a vital role in when in cases when there is reconciliation. Back to your particular situation, it seems like those who are close to you do not sufficiently appreciate just how important the gift of forgiveness is.