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Question I have a fifteen year old son, bright competent, popular, who has been missing school on a regular basis for the past one and a half years. He has attended a psychologist (for this reason) and the psychologist has found nothing wrong with him - the psychologist said that my son had, for his age, a "phenomenal understanding of people" . I always felt that my son was emotionally and psychologically very advanced for his age - from a very young age. Anyway my son cannot explain why he does not attend school other than that he hates it (he was badly bullied - mainly by shaming and humiliating by a teacher when he was aged seven - having to stand in a public place in the schoolyard known as "No Man's Land" for three to four lunch times at a go - but the school would not hear a word against the teacher - my son has little recollection of this)and things went down hill from there. My son understands the long term affects of not attending school - he can see that he is falling behind more and more each time he does not attend. He admits that there are no real difficulties in school now - none at home either and none that anyone knows about. He is not unhappy - in fact he appears in good form most of the time. So my question is - why would a bright person do something that is knowingly damaging to himself for no good reason - the psychologist and there were others - does not know?

Accepted:
September 22, 2011

Comments

It's hard to give advice on the basis of a one-paragraph description; so please take the following as no more than a suggestion for your consideration. Unfortunately, your son's problem is not unique. At least I feel that Isee it ever more often: really bright teenagers peaking prematurely,then becoming ever more dim, dull and lethargic.

I doubt your son's attitude to school is much affected by what happened to him eight years ago; and I doubt it could be much affected by the anticipation of any long-term effects that his non-attendance might have eight years down the road. I think he would happily go to school if he found the experience interesting and rewarding either intellectually or at least socially.

You cannot control the school's curriculum to make it more interesting for your son, more responsive to his needs and curiosity. But you may be able to supply links: materials that really interest him and are also related to what's being taught in school. Perhaps he is interested in deep-space exploration and in what we can learn therefrom about the origin of the universe. A well-written introductory book on this subject might then get him interested in physics which provides the methods we use to find out about parts of the universe that are very distant in space or time. Similarly, a good travel story might get him interested in geography; a good program on the Discovery Channel or a trip to the zoo or to a museum of natural history might get him interested in biology; a good program on the History Channel might get him interested in history; a fun book about number theory might get him interested in maths; Sophie's World might get him excited about philosophy; and so on. If he takes a real interest in one subject, becomes curious, gets good at it, finds materials on his own, discusses them with the teacher or fellow students outside class -- then he'll see that school can be interesting, can answer real questions and can also raise many even more interesting new ones. If, with some creative effort on your part, you can get him over this hump, then he may see how interesting school can be and want to take fuller advantage of it on his own.