Question My girlfriend and I have recently moved to a new area, and have encountered an unfortunate problem. In this area, the birth control pill is only available upon prescription by a gynecologist, and gynecologists are required by law to refuse handing out the prescription until after a woman has undergone a standard checkup. Normally, this doesn't seem like such a big deal, but my girlfriend has only been to a gynecologist once and adamantly refuses to do so again, as she is afraid the check-up will be horribly painful. She has, in fact, declared that we should simply stop having sex until we find a way to acquire the pill without her undergoing a gynecological check-up (we only ever use double-protection, condom and pill, to try and minimize the risk of unwanted pregnancies); her only idea is to get her mother (who works in a pharmacy) to send birth control pills per post. If that doesn't work, it looks like I'm in for a dry spell. I am confused as to what I am allowed to do, ethically speaking. I know that gynecological checkups are important - my own mother was spared full-blown cervical cancer thanks in part to frequent checkups that caught the abnormalities early. It was frightening to hear that my girlfriend had not had any regular check-ups, and even more so to hear that she intends to never visit a gynecologist. But I feel that my sexual relationship to my girlfriend compromises any authority I might have to try and convince her to go. Ultimately, any attempt I make to convince her to go to the gynecologist to get the checkup and the pill are tainted by my desire to have sex with her; I would effectively be trying to take control of her body and ignore her wishes for my own pleasure, and I've always believed that was wrong. So, ethically speaking, what can I do? Am I allowed to try and convince her to go to the gynecologist and get checked up? Or should I accept whatever she decides to do with her own body? What do I have the right to do?

Accepted:
September 29, 2011

Comments

Tough to say. Off hand it seems that trying to convince her to have such a check-up is profoundly to act in her interest in terms of her fundamental health. Also, it certainly seems that desiring to have a healthy sex life is not something that "taints" or should taint the boyfriend - girlfriend relationship. You mention "authority" --which is an interesting term here, but it may not be out of place. I suppose in a close friendship, we do give authority to our friends to offer (even unasked for) advice. But that authority does seem to be limited by an acceptance of one's friend's or partner's independent judgment. You write about accepting "whatever she decides to do with her own body." That does seem right, don't you think? You cannot (with justice) compel her or trick her into having the check-up, and that leaves you with deciding what the future of your relationship will be like (under the conditions you both commit to) or to decide whether you even wish to continue being in such a relationship. You may decide that such a neglect of health reflects some serious misjudgment. You and she might get lucky and get the pills anyway. Or you both might explore the many varied ways in which one can achieve sexual satisfaction without intercourse. These are very personal matters, which is my clue to simply wish you and her the very best!