Question hi.oh god thanks for finding people whom i can talk to. i'm a single man.i'm in a relationship with a married woman who has a 7 years old child too.as a matter of fact i knew her as the love of my life since 5 years before her marriage.we could not get married together because of the social issues.and i never forget her for about 8 years after her marriage although i walked out of her life.but now this love relationship starts about 2 years ago again and since then i'm with her by her will as she starts it.i'm dying for her and she is the same but she has a life with a reasonable man and a child and she has no reasonable reason(socially)to leave that life.i can distinguish that how hard it is for her to continue this.morally she cant be with me and emotionally she wants to be.i loved her about 15 years (5 years before her husband even know her).i dont want her to be hurt.it doesnt matter that i'm a victim.what should i do for her.if i quit,she will hurt.if i dont she will hurt.what should i do to reach what is best for her?i really dont know what to do.

Accepted:
December 31, 2010

Comments

The existing situation is bad in at least two ways. First, your lover is deceiving her husband and the father of her child who is, as you put it, a reasonable man. He deserves better. If his wife does not love him, he should know this and have a chance to plan the rest of his life in light of this knowledge. Second, your affair is likely to come to light at some point, and this might have much worse consequences for all involved, including the child, than a frank confession.

I see two potential ways out of the problematic situation. First, you can agree to end the affair. You can still write each other, see each other occasionally, perhaps, but you should then try to meet the husband and make quite sure that there is no return to a romantic relationship. If this is unworkable, this first option would call for a complete end of the relationship.

Second, you could agree to marry each other after a divorce. You write that this was not workable earlier "because of the social issues". I don't know what social issues these are (feel free to write in more detail about them), but if you really love each other, then perhaps it's worth working really hard on breaking through them.