Question Why does it always seem that inner beauty, or beauty in personality and character is more often believed to be more beautiful than just outer beauty? As such, you will hear people saying, "I'd rather have an ugly wife with a beautiful soul than a gorgeous woman with an ugly soul?" Should this kind of attitude towards beauty be followed?

Accepted:
April 5, 2010

Comments

It doesn't look that way to me!

OK, seriously, then...

I think we are doing just a little bit of apples and oranges here. I would certainly rather spend the rest of my life with someone who was decent and kind and patient and nururing and... (we can see where this is going), than someone who was all of the opposites of these, but physically attractive. But I don't think this is correctly depicted as an "attitude towards beauty." Good ethical/moral/social characteristics can make someone attractive in these ways (ethically/morally/socially), but do not make someone attractive in that way (physically). So if we must talk about "inner" and "outer" beauty, then let's be clear that we are talking about two completely distinct qualities or characteristics, and these qualities are not really commensurable--each has its own value and counts as more important in some areas of endeavor. Physical attractiveness has been shown to be a significant benefit in career advancement, social success, and is obviously advantageous in the area of opportunities in finding a mate. People who are physically attractive and generally also seen to be more intelligent, more successful, and generally better in every way in which we all try to do well. Having a "beautiful soul" is a great advantage in some ways, but doesn't do all that well in a job interview or at the local bar on Friday night.

What does seems to be right here is something that I will try not to overstate, because the platitudes about the greater beauty of "inner" beauty always seem to me to overstate the case. But I do think that something interesting does happen when we identify someone else as having "inner beauty," and that is that whatever physical defects they may have deem to become less important (even to the point of invisibility), and we may also found ourselves becoming more attracted to such a person (physically) than we were at first glance. People in long-term relationships typically get to the point where they would actually find it difficult to appraise (as if at first glance) the "objective" attractiveness of their partners, because such a judgment becomes inseparable from the whole picture of that partner and his or her role in their partner's life. In other words, long-term, it is the "inner" beauty that comes to matter in a relationship, and this can actually have some influence over the way we respond to whatever the "outer" may present.