Question I am in something of a quandary. My passion, my drive, my greatest zeal is for philosophy—for the pursuit of truth, for understanding, for learning. These things, and especially the philosophical pursuit of them, are what I consider to be most worthwhile in this life. To this end, I would like nothing more than to take part in the scholarly life of philosophical academia. I am now in a position to pursue this dream—to perhaps enroll at a prestigious philosophy graduate program. I hesitate, however. My reason is this: My mode of life has always been somewhat reclusive, and I must say I spend the greatest part of my time thinking about things which, I have found, the great majority of my peers simply do not care for. Due to this, and perhaps as well to my penchant for analyzing everything, not merely what is properly considered philosophical, I have earned what would be considered by most to be a handicap in this (American) culture: I have not learned how to interact, how to make friends—how to relate to average others at the appropriate level. This would not be a problem, of course, were it not for my being perpetually victimized by my drive to socialize, to be friendly, to like and to be liked. At times this drive propels me to distraction, so that I cannot focus, so that I cannot excel so far as I might otherwise. My options are two: Determine to overcome this drive, this distraction, and devote myself to philosophy, or give in, take a break, and devote myself to satiating, or, rather, to learning to properly attend to this drive. Therein lies my quandary. I have made some progress toward alienating this drive, toward removing it in due time. This is not something I am sure I wish to do, however. I feel that I may always look back and wonder at what I missed if I do not take some time in my youth to be social, to experience the popular lifestyle. And, of course, philosophy graduate school is no place for cultivating the broader aspects of one’s social potential. Herman Hesse writes that “any life expands and flowers only through division and contradiction.” I have followed his intention in the past, perhaps when I should not have. I did not seek anyone’s guidance before, so I think perhaps I should now. I apologize for the long prompt, but it takes some saying to really express my question as I need to. This is not a problem unique to me, I am sure, and I hope that some among the panel will be able to pass on some similar experience of their own or of another who they might have known, as well I hope and expect that other readers similar to me might benefit from your answers. While the specific question here is clearly of whether I should go on to graduate school in philosophy or hold back and look into these other aspects of life, one might also consider my question to be one belonging to the broader frame of the implications of Hesse’s remark. So construed, one might ask, “Is it really necessary to challenge one’s entrenched manner of living in the pursuit of such unexplored drives, even when doing so may have significant consequences for one’s broader aspirations?”

Accepted:
September 2, 2008

Comments

Well, perhaps it will reassure you to know that there are several jokes about philosophers as social beings. One of my favorites is a cartoon labeled "philosophers at a party." All are staring off in space, obviously pondering some abstract question; none are interacting with anyone else in the room. Maybe you have also seen Monty Python's soccer match involving philosophers--again, all are so lost in thought they cannot manage to engage in the contest at all (until somehow Socrates figures out what he is supposed to do).

So, OK, maybe we are not generally all that much fun to party with, and philosophers notoriously question others in areas they would prefer not to be questioned, which can cause a degree of social friction. But I guess I would caution you about allowing this stereotype (which I grant may have some basis in truth) to allow you to think of what you call your "quandary."

To be more specific, if you have deficits in interpersonal skills, these will also create problems for you as a graduate student in philosophy, or as a professional philosopher--actually, even more so for the latter. Unless you are independently wealthy and won't need to get a job after you graduate, then the sort of work you will do (if you are good enough and lucky enough to get a job), will include teaching. Teaching requires you to have at least functional social skills, and really successful teaching requires much more development in this area than the merely functional level. But maybe you wouldn't want to work in the field, and would be satisfied just going through to the Ph.D., without the usual plan of graduate students to go off an become a professor somewhere.

Even so, poor social skills would be a considerable handicap. Much of what we do, as philosophers, involves sometimes very intense, very sustained discussions. These can sometimes be difficult enough even for the very well-adjusted: It can be very hard to hear one of one's views criticized or refuted, and those who criticize or refute can often do it in ways that alienate the ones criticized or refuted. When this happens, the one alienated will be much less likely to engage in philosophical discussion again with the person who was too harsh, and the result of several episodes of this can be that no one is willing to do philosophy with you anymore. Of course, if you are really smart, you can still read and write good philosophy. But for most people, philosophizing requires at least some degree of being liked by others. If you have not yet developed the relevant social skills, accordingly, I think you would find that you are not merely distracted from doing philosophy as you would like to do it--you would also not gain the kind of support for doing good philosophy from other that you would soon find you needed.

I guess my advice is that you provide too sharp a contrast between developing social skills and pursuing philosophy. To do the latter, you will have to have at least some success in the former!