Topics Mind

Question Self-deception is a way of coping with life - but it can lead to unhappiness. A neighbour of mine fights all her sons' battles and insists and believes that they are always in the right - even when the four of them are fighting against one smaller younger child. To what extent, if any, is she aware of her self-deception? (I firmly believe that she believes that her sons are in the right (and that their adversary(ies) is / are demonic) and that she is not merely covering up for her sons (who are well capable of standing up for themselves). This neighbour is quite rational and kind in other respects.

Accepted:
August 25, 2008

Comments

When we deceive another person, we intentionally cause that person to hold a view that we think is mistaken. We can do this with our words, with our actions, or even with our refusal to speak or act. Deceiving ourselves seems paradoxical, though, since as deceiver we must consider a certain view to be mistaken, yet as deceived we must adopt that same view.

One way to resolve this apparent paradox is to divide people into different parts or stages, with one part of a person functioning as the deceiver and another part of the same person being deceived. So, for instance, you might suppose that the unconscious part of your neighbor's mind knows that her sons' actions are wrong, and that part succeeds in deceiving the conscious part of her mind into believing that her sons' actions are right. Or you might suppose that there was an earlier stage in which your neighbor realized that her sons' behavior was wrong, and that that earlier self acted so as to produce a later self that takes her sons' behavior to be right. If we go too far in dividing people up into different parts, however, then we no longer have a case of self-deception so much as a case of one self deceiving another self that happens to inhabit the same body.

It may also be that self-deception requires something less than the intention to mislead oneself. We may consider some people to be self-deceived when they simply avoid close scrutiny of matters that threaten to become uncomfortable -- when they look the other way before, rather than after, encountering a painful truth. Your neighbor may not have any intention to acquire a mistaken view; instead, when it comes to her sons she may simply avoid thoughts that lead in a direction that could result in diminished loyalty to them.

Self-deception can often cause unhappiness insofar as it creates uncomfortable divisions in one's life, or insofar as it depends on systematically avoiding certain areas of inquiry. Preserving divisions between different parts of our lives, or different stages in our lives, can also help to relieve stress, however; and we are sometimes happier when we do not inquire too closely into things that might make us unhappy. Our own happiness should not come at the expense of another's happiness, though (the happiness of the child who is tormented by one's sons, for example); facing the truth may often be more important than being happy.