Topics Ethics

Question How obliged are we to our friends? If my friend is horribly depressed, how far do the bonds of friendship oblige me to counsel and listen to him constantly, even if I care deeply for him, and even if it's affecting my own health? Ultimately, should we protect ourselves? I feel that I'd be doing something immoral by abandoning him.

Accepted:
April 6, 2008

Comments

To be a friend is going to mean, among other things, wanting what is best for your friend. It's unlikely that abandonment is what's best, which is probably why that option feels immoral to you. On the other hand, if you wear yourself down to the point that you have nothing to offer him (or perhaps anyone else), or that you resent him, then that's not best for him, either. Sometimes doing what's best for another is not the same as doing what the other wants. It sounds to me like your friend needs more help than you can reasonably supply, and the most loving course of action might be to facilitate this, by putting him in touch with a professional counselor. I hope it works out.