Topics Ethics

Question My girlfriend likes to hang out with some people at our school who like to call themselves whores, sluts, and the like. They will sit around and say things like "Gee, you're such a slut! Don't give me that look, I'm just a whore as well!" They also don’t care when other people refer to them in the same manner. This kind of talk really bothers me; I find it insulting, demeaning, and distasteful. It has only been leveled at me once before I told them not to include me in it, and they have honored my request. The thing is, I just find it downright impolite, and it drives me crazy to hear them talk like that. It is not at all an accurate description of any of them, they just do it for the hell of it, I guess. Now, my question is, am I being too sensitive? It has nothing to do with me directly, but it still bothers me and makes me feel uncomfortable. I just do not see the need to be like that at all, it just seems pointless and demeaning. Do I have the right to feel so strongly about it and be hurt that my girlfriend would act in a manner that is so against what I feel to be right? Am I just acting controlling? Sorry if this doesn’t flow very well, I have a lot of thoughts on the subject and it is difficult to get them down in a concise manner.

Accepted:
May 14, 2007

Comments

Such language is demeaning, as you say. It demeans women in general and members of that group in particular. It would be better if such words fell into disuse.

When young women use such words in reference to themselves, it is important to understand why. Is it lack of self-respect? Is it preemptive (they feel that others refer to them in this way and want to show that they don't care)? Or something else? An effort to explore this question with your girlfriend may be preferable to simply asking her to stop. It's more respectful (less controlling) and also offers the prospect of overcoming the underlying problem rather than merely its most obvious symptom.

Let's see if I got this right. Your GF and her GFs call themselves "sluts," and this bothers you, because you find it demeaning, etc., yet "slut," you say, "is not at all an accurate description of any of them." Well, what if it were? What if they often partied in the football team locker room? Would you find their behavior, and not merely the word, demeaning to themselves? My guess if that if you think the word is demeaning, then you also think the behavior is demeaning. That, I submit, is your mistake.