Topics Ethics

Question Is a parent morally obliged to tell an adopted child he/she is adopted? If so, at what age/stage of the child's life should one do so? What about the birth parent(s)? If they are known, it it incumbent upon the adopting parents to make efforts to include them in the child's life? On the one hand, knowing they are adopted/involving birth parents might hurt the child - make them feel unloved, complicate custody arrangements, etc. On the other hand, not telling them or risking that they find out themselves also seems unfair to the child. What is a reasonable course of action in this probably common situation?

Accepted:
November 7, 2005

Comments

That adopted children have a right to know they are adopted and that the adoptive parents have a duty to tell the adopted child that he or she is adopted both seem pretty clear. Surely, one has a right to know whether one's parents are also one's biological parents, and it would be wrong for parents to have their relationsip with the adopted child based on deception. Add to this the fact that the deception might be uncovered, which would prove even more traumatic than if the fact of adoption is discussed openly and honestly .... But when and how to tell the child that he or she is adopted, that's hard. It might be best to explain it in some way early so that the child does not feel that anything is hidden from him or her but then to offer opportunities to discuss it in greater detail when the child is older, more mature, and more reflective. But these are questions better posed to a child psychologist or counselor than a philosopher, I would think.

I don't see that it is always incumbent on adoptive parents to try to include biological parents in the life of their child. These issues might have been discussed at the time of adoption, and a special agreement to keep the biological parents in the loop would provide reason to include them. But absent any special agreement, I would think there was no imperative to include the biological parents in the life of the adopted child in any significant way. After all, they gave the child up for adoption. The adoptive parents have a right to try to raise the adopted child as part of a normal nuclear family. Feeling obliged to include biological parents could be very disruptive to the adoptive family (parents and child). Of course, once the adoptive child reaches maturity, he or she may want to seek out his or her biological parents and presumably would have every right to contact the biological parents if they are willing.